Sunday, September 14, 2008
There is nothing like a new baby to help the world make sense. Well, the basics of life can be a bit muddier on less sleep (as in, where the heck are my keys?) but the bigger stuff...there's perfect clarity. I just feel liberated from silly stuff to make sure I'm aligning with my priorities of these little persons. I might have three little ones, but they only have one mama. I keep reminding myself of that as I juggle the care during the day. Making sure they all come away from the day having felt like they were the center of my love for at least a large portion of the day.
It's really an incredible feeling to have this totally dependent, devoted babe looking to you for the most basic needs. Even rolling to one side requires assistance. And there's an added element of importance when they literally feed from your body. It's not just about emotional and physical support, but you're passing on what you ate, nutrients, caloric energy, everything. If I eat tomatoes, it makes her gassy. Cheese and crackers and she's fussy that night. My entire being becomes wrapped around this tiny little person who stares up at me in wonder as she's nursing. She starts to cry and my touch calms her immediately. What does a mother look like to a baby? What does she think of this giant person who carries her around, feeds her, and gives her kisses incessantly?
I can't believe how much I love her already. I mean...really, really love her. What pure magic she is. I think she knows that, because her grins at me are just....mind-blowing.
I've been down this path two other times, so I guess it should be "old hat." I'm thankful to see how the beauty of mothering stuff doesn't get watered down. Plus, since we're thinking Simone might be our last babyhood, it's even more profound to me. I'm making a conscious effort to make mental snapshots of the preciousness of it all. Those little jerky arm motions punching the air, because she has no idea how to work them yet. The little cooing noises when she needs to eat in the middle of the night. That amazing scent of baby neck rolls.
And the junky stuff in life just seems...junky. When placed against the backdrop of the purity of a new babe, you realize how unimportant negative people, stress, perfectionism, etc really are. Scaling back life to be a bit more cluttered and a bit less chaotic is the only thing that makes sense when there's a baby around.
What a sweetie pants.