Wednesday, January 28, 2009

"Baby Girl"

Aren't baby giggles the best? Oh my. Simone can give the most beautiful belly laughs and loves being tickled. I've never understood that, how my children all adore being tickled. I can't imagine how claustrophobic/terrifying/irritating it would be to be tickled by giant people. But they can't get enough of it. It's nice to have a third person to join our early morning tickle fests.

She's so freakin' sweet.

She and I were hanging out tonight while Steve and the boys were reading in the other room. Her gaze at me was just breathtakingly incredible. This soulful look right into my eyes. Unquestioning. At peace. Knowing. I remember someone once telling me that we're not raising children, we're raising adults. And I often find myself overwhelmed with "brain hurt" at the idea that these are fully-functioning human beings that were made inside my body. When they're adults, they'll look just like all the other "real people" walking around in the world.

Too weird for words.

During that gaze tonight, I just sensed the wholeness of her being. Yes, she's only a non-speaking, babbling, barely crawling little creature. But there's this legitimate, complete personhood behind those bright eyes. Who she is. It's all there, and that just blows my mind. She's heading across the room right now towards a tape dispenser on the floor. Mid-crawl, she caught sight of a monkey puppet. And then Steve's workout bands on the floor. I imagine she's happy for the cluttered living room floor right now, because it gives her more treasures to find.

That the newness of this 5 month old's life makes all these things so fantastically miraculous is a really amazing thing to watch. And, to be involved in it. She just loves seeing and doing everything. When she stares at me, she's just taking me all in. Loving me with a complete spirit. I'm The One who feeds her and holds her and makes embarrassingly schmoopy dialogue back to her babble. We hang out in the middle of the night, nursing when we wish we were sleeping (or at least, I do!). We're buds.

She never wonders why she was stuck with this crazy mama or gives me suggestions for being better. She's just so happy to be here with me.

How can a person not just be blown away by the magic of infancy? Steve says when he looks at her, he can feel his heart almost literally grow bigger, like the Grinch. I know what he means. I was shopping with her the other night, and looked down at this tiny, perfect little face. I thought my heart might split open with love, and I truly thought I might start crying in the aisle of the grocery store. The wondrousness of it all.

To think that this little crawling creature was inside my body 5 months ago? Unbelievable.

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