Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Remembering

Today is my mom's birthday. Or would have been? Not sure how the phrasing goes for persons who've passed away. She would have been 62. That seems far too young to die.

When she died, I'd decided to take the money I'd have used on birthdays and Christmas and donate it to the Muscular Dystrophy Association. At the time, I liked the idea of using the funds to help someone else's mom be a step closer to curing the MD. But now the day is here, and that doesn't seem to really cover it in terms of recognizing my mom.

I still like that idea, but it doesn't really fit how I want her remembered. That's *just* about how she died. But I want something to remind me every year, on June 3rd, of how she influenced my life.

My brainstorming has been pulling up all these funny memories. Maybe I could get an orange manicure, to commemorate her showing up at my wedding with a plum dress and orange nails. We had a lot of laughs about that. Or wearing a Christmas sweatshirt...although it's June, so that seems less of a good idea.

When Simone is older, I'd like to turn it into a special weekend. Like a mother-daughter trip that I'd wished I could take with my mom, but her MD always prevented it. We both had June birthdays, my mom and I, so I wanted us to take a spa weekend to celebrate. She couldn't really get around the way you'd need to for something like that, though, (getting up on the tables for massages, etc) so it didn't work out.

I like the idea of taking an Older Simone on something like that, and just immersing ourselves in a weekend to be together. Even in the years when she's too embarrassed to be seen with me, maybe she still won't turn down a facial in honor of mother/daughterhood. :)

I thought I was going to really miss my mom today, in a painful way. I do feel this deep longing. I'd love to call her or hug her or ask HER how she wants her birthday commemorated. But that warm, soft remembrance continues to persist. Where she feels so present to me, even as I can't reach out and talk to her. I wonder if I'll get to keep this feeling forever?

Happy birthday, Mom. I miss you.

2 comments:

H F W said...

What a beautiful post tribute to your mom. I think this piece was a wonderful to way commemorate her. I'm sure Simone, when she is older, would enjoy a weekend away with you. And maybe you could dig out pictures and share stories about your childhood and growing up with you mom.
I'm sorry she is no longer with you physically in life, but I'm glad she remains in your heart and memory.

Rambling Rachel said...

Your post is a great way to remind you of how she influenced your life.

Perhaps every year it'll be different. Though I'm sure, every day you are your mother in even a small way.