Saturday, August 8, 2009

Being their mama

I always have a hard time going to sleep after grading-intensive nights. My brain doesn't shut down, even if my body needs to sleep. So I do silly stuff that could easily wait...sifting through emails...popping onto Facebook...rummaging through the fridge. All the while, wondering why the heck I don't go to sleep so I'm not dead-tired in the morning.

Tonight, though, I have Krista's photos to look at, when I'm needing something to distract me from my insomnia. I keep thinking about how some day, these little persons will be grown adults. And how powerfully poignant these pictures will be. That they were ever THIS small will seem to hard to imagine.

That first one of Andrew (Proof 01), with me holding him, was because he was feeling shy around Krista and didn't want his picture taken. I was holding him and assuring him things were okay, and she snapped the picture to show him the digi-pic in her camera. She thought that might warm him up. Look at his face! The dreamy, happy face. I remember that moment, and he got that calm serenity because he was in my arms. I love that. That connection between mother and young child is magical to me.

Same with the pic of Simone (Proof 09). She did not want to go down on the ground! So I scooped her up and held her and bounced her. And looking at that picture of her in my arms...the happy, friendly smile she had for Krista...she was at peace because she was with her mama.

Jack is already out of that phase...for one, because I can hardly lift him without groans of pain. He's getting so big! But while there's this bubble around us of connection and he loves being near Mom and Dad, he doesn't have that same primal need. The hunger for parental connection.

It goes so quickly. The separation anxiety, kisses making wounds feel better, the need to snuggle to re-fuel in strange environments.

What a strange thing those will be some day. Probably someday much sooner than I think.

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