Monday, November 9, 2009

My Andrew

I was still in bed this morning, and heard a knock on the door. Andrew: "Mommy? Can I come in and snuggle with you?" His snuggle doesn't have the "s" yet, so it sounds like "nuggle."

Some day, this tiny little boy will grow up to be a man. Who looks like any other man walking down the street. But right now, his life is made absolutely perfect by crawling into his mama's bed and "nuggling." I love that. And I know, with all my heart, how quickly that will be over. My heart hurts, wanting to bottle up his precious smallness. Having this miniature little man wrapped around my arm, holding a light saber under each of his arms.

The overwhelming love I have for him just seeps out of me. I don't know where to put that feeling, it's so strong. I love him so much.

I hurt his feelings tonight. I felt terrible. He was in the bathtub, facing away from me, not wanting to look at me. Crying. I said to him: "I know I made you sad, and you don't have to talk to me. But can I still tell you how sorry I am?" His sweet little wet head nodded, and my heart almost split open. How much he longs to connect with me, and how much of his spirit right now (at almost 3) revolves around being "right" with his mama. That precious vulnerability. He finally let me wrap him in a towel and sit with him, and eventually, I got him to smile and laugh with me. Such relief.

Love always seems to meander in and out of connection, but it never gets old coming to that place of finding each other again. Like this safe haven, where all is right in the world.

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