Friday, December 11, 2009

Addendum: Musings from a crabby mama (er...wife)

And you know, I forgot a big silver lining. My blow-out argument with Steve tonight. No seriously...stay with really was a silver lining.

There is an unbelievable amount of comfort when the fairy tale love affair turns into the romance-you-wouldn't-have-expected stage. Where doing dishes is foreplay and a wonderful date night involves going to Qdoba sans children. Or finding ourselves awake at 4am and talking until it's time to get up...overwhelmed with how much there still is to say to each other.

And the fights. Really. In the middle of the 10pm back-and-forth...he didn't like the way I looked at him (like I was scolding him)...I didn't like his tone with me (too robotic and unemotional)...I still had this deep sense of inner calm. This calm that said: "This is all bullshit. You both just need to go to bed."

He had his bad day and I had mine, and then we met back at home to unload it at the other one's feet.

Dysfunctional, right?

But why is it that in the midst of our most dysfunctional moments, like childish spats that have no real content, do I feel most functional with him?

Because I know in a deep place of security that nothing we're saying has any real merit. And that when we wake up tomorrow, we'll still just be plain ol' us. No one is going anywhere. No one's even that mad. We're just tired and crabby at the end of a long week.

And...we know that there's a very safe place in the other one, where we can be real and raw and not that rational. But it's okay. Truly and deeply okay.

Cinderella and Prince Charming had nothing on the feeling of doing the fighting stance with the father of your children, love of your life for 12 years, thinking: "He's driving me crazy and I want to pummel him with a pillow, but wowsers do I love this man."

Maybe tomorrow I'll drive over to his work and put McDonald choc-chip cookies on the driver's seat. Maybe he'll call me and say he was being irrational and overtired, and he's really sorry. Or maybe we'll just completely ignore the blowout tonight, knowing that it's irrelevant in the story of who we are.

Whichever way it plays out, this inner calm about us feels really, really good.

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