Friday, February 5, 2010

And, we're back.

So after the crummy days often come some really shiny, happy ones. Probably with any relationship, but I can only speak for my own. Steve and I drive each other crazy for a day or so...and then BOOM...awesome, fun, joyous goodness.

I was thinking about my post about how the boys fight sometimes and have their Off Days, but I can see really cool stuff under the surface. That what is real about them is a fabulous foundation and their closeness can breed contempt because...well...that's what closeness does. Think "road trip".

I was thinking about how that's the same as marriage. You find the person where your Core Stuff meshes in a really indescribably spiritually wondrous way...but then, you find yourself irritated at Romantic Partner because you had a long, crummy day at work. Those conflicts aren't really the true relationship, it's just the external stuff.

Siblings must be the same way. I can't even fathom two little boys sharing more interests, more love, more respect, more laughs and giggles, and more wrestling matches than these two little dudes I procreated. So when they have their bickering fighting days, it's not really anything Real. It's just because they're getting sick or overtired or need space from each other or whatever.

And motherhood...DEFINITELY that way. Dear God, I love these little children with every cell in my being. The connection and adoration and love and wonder I feel when I see them being who they are is beyond anything I could have imagined. But they can drive me batty. Batty! And likewise, I'm sure. Like when Andrew told me once that it was okay if I went away really far. :) Kid, I *know* that feeling. ;)

They bugged the hell out of me for several days straight and I was having to fake being a fun/patient/calm mommy (sometimes more convincingly than others). There were bright spots, of course, but the general trend wasn't that awesome.

But then today, I was back. WE were back. Steve put Andrew down and Jack read to me before bed. And I was lying there, hearing his voice reading and I was struck by the realization: "OH MY GOD, MY SON IS READING TO ME!!!" He's READING to me. His brain takes letters and turns them into sounds and then words and then sentences.

I know...news flash, right? But sometimes in the haze of sleep deprived, routine-thrown, Big Week crabbiness, those things get missed. Like Andrew telling me if we went under 1-2-3-4-5 overpasses, it would become a tunnel. Yes! It would! I'm not quite sure how the miracle of life really works...I mean, I know it's all spiritually created and biologically designed...but this is the first time I've been a part of it all. That MY body (and Steve's too, for that matter!) MADE a little reading creature. Or a little thinking creature.

When the mystic coolness of parenting is back, I know I'm back in the game. Because if you don't see the miracle of it, then it's a huge pain in the ass. If you "get" that part, all the little things start seeming like a huge honor to be a part of it.

Simone asking for "mo' pineapple"? How does this super-teeny-tiny person KNOW she wants pineapple? It doesn't make the daily newspaper headlines, but it's pretty amazing anyway.

Little people. So stinkin' cute.

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