Sunday, March 21, 2010

Buffet of life-stages

I have never been my "right" age. When I was a teenager, I was more than ready for college. When I hit college, I was more than ready for adulthood. And now here I am, at age 31, wanting to give away my belongings and drive around in an RV.

I think I'm moving through life stages a bit too quickly.

Now that I've emotionally hit retirement age, I wonder what lies ahead for me? Do I regress or go back through the cycle again? :)

For some people, being future-oriented might signal an unrest with the current place, but I don't really feel that. I mean...there's definitely a chunk of me that longs for a time when my day doesn't revolve around children's bodily functions. But I love it as the place I'm at right now, even as I want to reach out and grab all the Future Stuff too.

If I could parent all of my children's ages at the same time, I'd jump on the chance in a heartbeat. This big collective mess of developmental phases. What they'll become when they're grown, the innocent sweetness of new babyhood, the magical awakening (and chaos) of toddlerhood. It's all so gorgeous and full of life's best stuff, even when it's tiring and loud and has some smooshed raisin stuck on it.

Maybe that's the longing in me. Not to jump through where I'm at, but to absorb all of it at once. The beach house where I retire with Steve, teeming with grandbabies and wood floors scratched from sand tracked through it. Backpacking in Nepal, and looking back to see my three children behind me, taking in the view. Holding my tiniest of babe and looking into their soulful eyes - in speechless awe that this life was just inside of my body (inside of my body!).

Life is so amazing.

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