Thursday, April 29, 2010

25th Street

There is always something alarming about the finality of a move.  And even after all of these moves, it still takes me by surprise.  I charge through the last few months, purging and packing and cleaning.  Then I get to the end, and face the zen calm of the empty home.  I have a chance to just think and ponder... and look around the empty rooms, seeing the ghosts of the last 2 years.

Locking that door at the end, putting that final box into the car, always leaves me a bit emotional.  It's closing the door to the backdrop of Life.  Where our family made so many memories.  Each of our different homes represents a different chapter of our lives together.

This is the home where we brought home Baby Simone.  Where I set up the birthing pool in the Master Bedroom.  Where I hung the sweet little dresses in the closet and awaited my first daughter.  A daughter!  I was going to have a daughter.  I was giddy and nervous and curious.  What would it be like to have a little girl?

The birthday parties in the backyard.  Hiding toy coins in the sandbox for Jack's pirate party.  Simone's circus birthday for her first year, with her in her sweet little clown suit.  Andrew's Spiderman 3rd birthday, when Steve hung webs all over the house.

The last home where my mom came to visit me. The home where I paced the kitchen waiting for the phone to ring, getting updates from my dad after Mom's accident. Where I sat on the stairs waiting for Steve to come home from work, and he walked in and looked up at me and just knew.  That was the day I felt, with all my heart and against all logic, that my mom was going to die.  And how he came over to me, gave me a long silent hug and held me while I cried. 

Life and death and everyday happenings are all wrapped up in this house.

And yet, this is just the shell of all those moments.  And those moments come with us.  We did what we needed to do in this home.  Now we move forward into the next chapter.  It feels strange to close the door on it, but I'm ready.  What that next chapter will be, we're not sure.  But I sense that's part of the lesson.  We're figuring things out as we go, but who we became in this house - as a family and as individuals - those are portable.

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